


Memories: Lucario II

by fluffybunnybadass



Series: Riolu/Lucario - Sinnoh events [7]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: F/M, the series finale! /halfjoke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29916300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffybunnybadass/pseuds/fluffybunnybadass
Summary: It’s been a few years since the last time Sarah had visited Cynthia, together with Lance. A few years older, a few years into a new relationship; things are different enough to showcase growth. Riolu had become a Lucario. They had just come back from a trip to the Unova region, defeating its Champion. So many things have changed since then-- so why was history repeating itself?
Relationships: self/ Lance
Series: Riolu/Lucario - Sinnoh events [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105754





	Memories: Lucario II

**Author's Note:**

> This has been done for like, um, months. About two weeks before I felt like Riolu IV was worth posting. I just haven’t bothered with a glance-thru of this until now. So, enjoy! The final entry in the Memories: Lucario/Riolu series!

When we had first been in the same room together with Cynthia, we weren't even dating. There shouldn't've been any significance to it, really. (Other than, y'know, the usual that comes from being in the same room as your crush.) But it was shortly after I had made an important change in my life that was affecting one of my Pokemon, and Cynthia had helped me with that. She was really good at helping me with recognizing my feelings that I didn't even know that I had, and somehow got me to see the effects it was having on my Pokemon and myself. She was a role model to me at the time, but she was also a good friend to someone who was struggling with themselves.

And while I often attributed the failure of a thirteen year old's idealization of romance as the start of things, perhaps I could have said it was Cynthia's involvement that helped move things forward.

She invited both of us over, but didn't inform me. She thought that I might run away or stay away if I had known. Initially, I was jealous-- she had managed to get someone with responsibilities tied to a region to travel away, for non-work related reasons. She had found some information about something called the Sinjoh Ruins. It hurt, thinking about it back then. But I had a good talk with her that day that helped me see and grow past some self-imposed obstacles. At the end of the visit, she had invited us out to a local festival—while conveniently excluding herself due to volunteerism.

I wouldn't say that things picked up from what happened that night that we watched the stars, but I think it definitely helped me move along. We talked about ourselves and I managed to be the most relaxed around him than I had been in a few years. He had to go back to the Kanto-Johto regions the next day, and I had the rest of my Sinnoh League challenge to finish. When we met next, we were together.

\---------------

Cynthia had invited us out some years after that first time we had all been together.

She wanted to celebrate my Championship win in Unova, and hear first hand about my experiences there. Cynthia had an acquaintance out there that she sometimes went to visit in spring and summer, but “nothing beats the traditional journey across a region.” She was a fan of archaeology, and wanted to hear more about Unova's from me. While I had sent her photos of the ruins I found out there, the actual stories themselves would have to wait until we met up again. I hadn't been back from Unova for very long, so I had asked her if I could take Lance with me to visit her in Sinnoh. She, of course, had no issue with this. Which she let me know quite pointedly in our text exchanges with a very simple emoji.

:3c

Of course, the context/usage of it would take me at least another decade to understand, to recognize the expression it conveyed, as it was one she was fond of making whenever my boyfriend (at the time) and I were in the room.

We sat next to each other, more comfortable closing the distance in a private room than if we had been at some public function that either of our titles asked of us. I had kept an arm linked around Lance's, head leaning against his shoulder, until I had become so excited by regaling my own stories that I had all but forgotten my need for his contact.

Seated across from us, Cynthia sat with one leg crossed over the other, one arm propped against a knee. She slightly leaned in as she took in my stories. Listening with much interest, she kept her chin rested against her knuckles, an entertained smile on her expression. No doubt she was enthralled with my adventure, as she asked questions which prompted further discussions and answers, but there was such a peculiar smile on her face that I could never quite place back then.

And when I had ran out of things to talk about, I had slipped my arm back around Lance's, squeezing it a little at my barely-contained excitement that had only faintly been worn down. Cynthia asked Lance about what he did while I was away, and he told both of us some stories of his adventures from Pokemon G-Men, including ones I had not yet known about.

And then it was her turn to update us. And while I listened to her speak, I found my mind wandering. Wandering as it felt her story would go on for ever, unintentionally zoning out as I found myself distracted with my own thoughts. I wanted to listen, and I partly was, but the thoughts that spoke to me became, well, not more interesting, so to speak, but louder than the words she spoke. It was like the events of the room had become background noise, much like a TV playing in the background, and my own thoughts had taken center-stage, talking directly to me.

 _She's so pretty_ , and the thought was bittersweet. I, on the other hand, did not feel that way about myself. I had only recently stopped voicing the exact thoughts themselves, because my boyfriend had directly asked me to, had had this conversation with me numerous times, even before dating, and yet, it felt like.... Much like it did back then.

I was envious of her. I hardly knew what her friendship with Lance was like, if it was even less like friendship and more like colleagues. But I found myself thinking,

 _They would be much better together than I with he_.

I should clarify: I didn't think they like, actually should be together, and that I was standing in the way of true love or some shit. But when I thought about how we worked together as a couple... And how Cynthia was a much more complete adult than I was...

My arm's hold on Lance's loosened a little. It remained interlocked with his.

 _He should be with someone like her, i_ s what I was thinking. But a part of me bitterly wondered if maybe they _were_ drawn to each other, but out of respect to me or something, they didn't think much of it or paid it any mind, or--

I couldn't think of a subtle way to shake it off. We weren't here for me to have more issues again. This was to visit a friend. We had visited and seen each other several times before. But maybe there was just something about her grandmother's home in Celestic Town that made it all worse.

And, once more, I remembered what I thought about back then, at that one time.

_You're worthless. Nothing. You're not even lucky that he's staying by you--_ _you're_ _**making** _ _him stay by you. He knows that if you were to break up, it'd just be awful. A hassle. Maybe you should do him a favor--_

I couldn't help it then, and shook my head. Cynthia paused, noticing the subtle distress.

“Everything ok, Sarah?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I got distracted by something I just remembered. Had to remind myself not to interrupted,” I lied, adding in a slightly nervous laugh to wave them off the trail. There was a subtle trembling in the Pokeball on my belt.

 _Not now,_ I thought specifically to the Pokemon residing there.

I felt a half-sarcastic grump of disagreement in response, but the needling feeling in my mind went away.

I wasn't even trying to think these thoughts anymore; however, it took more effort _not_ to think them. To not think that I was a waste of space and effort and, just. Anything bad. Anything self-depreciating. We had _had_ that conversation, and I had heard it from many of my friends, to the point that it unironically worked at making me, well, not voice them anyhow. Which felt like a step in the right direction. Somehow. Can't speak it into truth, or something like that. But keeping them bottled up inside meant that, at any chance I felt the least bit negative or bitter about something, they would just come to a broil inside myself, and it took so much effort and willpower to fight it, that it was often leaving me more exhausted than it should have.

I felt Lance get up next to me, and I stood up with him, faintly aware that Cynthia had mentioned something about the Sinjoh ruins again. Neither of them had had much luck in finding the ruins over the years, but Cynthia had finally found something that pointed to what may lay inside, and it seemed like it could be something big. Maybe, possibly. I had lost track of the conversation while fighting my own thoughts, and hovered a bit away, trying to find something new in her personal library that I hadn't glanced at before. Which wouldn't have been improbable, had I been capable of keeping my focus on that. And not think about how easily I could have gotten jealous, out of my own insecurity, because it was biting at the bit to give me illogical reactions to things that weren't there. And I knew it. I was a little jealous. Maybe more than usual, because they were closer to each others' leagues than I was with his, and I didn't just mean as challengers.

No, I wasn't jealous. I was insecure. Which can turn into jealousy, or it could turn into not feeling like I was a worthy girlfriend. No in-between that I could find. And I would have rather thought poorly of myself, than get jealous of my good friend who helped me get here.

So I suffered. Silently. Trying to fight myself once more.

The Pokeball at my side rumbled, more noticeably than before.

“Shh!” I hissed quietly, while the other two Champions talked. Oh, I wished I hadn't looked up to see if they had heard me. _I know I matter, I know I matter, I know he won't realize or think that I'm not worth it..._

There was a 'pop' noise, and out appeared my Lucario.

“L--!” I stopped myself, realizing that I had absolutely zero idea of how to proceed from this. There was no saving the situation now. The sound had alerted the two of them, and they turned around; Lance in confusion, while Cynthia, whose confusion lasted shorter, now had a partly-hidden concern behind her smile.

“Oh! If it isn't Sarah's Lucario. How have you been?”

He put his hands together and bowed his head slightly, a sign of respect to the other Champion.

<< _I would like to get some fresh air,_ >> he announced to both of them. I couldn't avoid anything but a facepalm. Shaking my head slightly, I removed said palm from face and sighed.

“I guess I'll.... show him outside?” I said, not even able to think up a convincing lie or reason to go out with him, but I knew that he would have requested me to join him anyhow. Because _I_ was why he came out of his Pokeball in the first place.

Excusing ourselves, I led him out of the library and down the hall, past the kitchen, and onto the same porch that I hadn't seen for a few years.

“Last time we were here, you were still a Riolu.”

<< _Last time... You were also experiencing something similar, but not that similar. Painful, but not like this. But very close._ >>

I thought back, trying to remember what had happened. I remembered being upset, and I _knew_ that I had been upset, but for why...

“Oh. I was envious. And I still am, but not quite for the same way as before. But also still kind of the same way.

<< _That doesn't make it any clearer,_ >> he said, tilting his head slightly. It felt like he was frowning a little, but he wasn't upset. He was trying to understand-- and help me understand at the same time. Something Cynthia had told us once, long ago, back when he was still a Riolu. Something that he might be able to help me with.

I frowned, and looked back at the door. We were still standing on the porch, and I wasn't sure how soundproofed the walls were, or how much you could hear. If it was anything like other old houses I had been in, then the conversations could potentially leak to other rooms. I looked out into the yard; it was mostly dirt, but at the far end, I saw some tall bushes and sapling trees.

<< _Let's go over there_ ,>> I thought back, not saying anything. He nodded, and we walked across the yard, seating ourselves in a small patch of grass that grew beside the dirt. We both sat cross-legged, directly in front of each other. My Lucario kept his sharp eyes on me. While it made me feel a little nervous, it did also make me feel a little bit safe, a little more secure, that maybe I wasn't over-analyzing or over-dramatizing my feelings. Just a little.

<< _What is happening? I thought you were excited for this trip. >>_

“I was. I mean, I _am_ , but it's just...” I looked off to the side, already mad that I was getting worked up, trying to talk through my feelings. I ripped up some blades of grass, trying to find something to tether me back down before the waves of emotion drowned me instead.

 _< <What?_>>

“Mmmm.... I don't know how to explain it. Like, it's like... Like, I _know_ nothing's going to happen and this has nothing to do with the other two, like, _at all_ , so it's in no way shape or form caused by them or their fault, but it's like...” I sighed.

_< <You felt... jealous? But also like you're not worth being jealous? Is that how you explain it?>>_

“Err.... not... really? I was-- am-- kinda? Jealous, but like. I mean, there's a small part of me that I guess is always gonna be jealous because haha what am I, some kind of person worthy of being--” I felt my Pokemon harden his gaze on me at the start of the self-depreciating comment, and I halted, a little frustrated that I couldn't express myself with that, but also a little unaware that it counted towards that.

“-- I just, like. I'm jealous of Cynthia, maybe?”

<< _Still?_ >> he asked, sounding confused. He didn't say it with exasperation or frustration. It felt very odd to him, it seemed. Perplexed by the idea that I would still be jealous of someone I considered a friend.

<< _Why_ _ **are**_ _you jealous of her? I do not understand; are not both of you considered Pokemon Champions?_ >>

“It's... less to do with that, and more to do with, like, her as a person.”

<< _What has she done to make you like this?_ >>

“That's... not how this one works either. Let's see, um... You know how sometimes, back when you were a Riolu, you really got motivated seeing other Lucario?”

He nodded, confused about where it was going, but trusting me to explain.

“Um. It's kinda like that, but in the opposite direction? Like, I don't feel good enough, even though I have the same potential/chance of being a Champion---” << _But you are one? >><<I meant if I were still not one, or something.>> <<Oh, ok.>> _“--it made me feel demotivated instead. You think, 'oh, these Lucario are so great, I can't wait to be someone like them!' But, instead, for me, it's like, 'This person is so great and amazing and I feel like I can be nothing like them.' Does that make sense?”

My Pokemon put a paw to his chin, thinking about what I said. He was trying to imagine himself in that position...

_< <It doesn't.>>_

...but his pride in himself made it difficult for him to understand the other foot.

I sighed.

“I suppose that example might not have worked very well for you. How about, what if, instead of motivation, it made you feel bad about yourself, and like you couldn't do anything?”

He thought some more.

 _< <Then I would be very hurt. Because I would not become the Pokemon that I am today without that confidence.>> _He tilted his head the other way, unsure if what he meant was communicating clearly. He wouldn't have reached his full potential, if he had let himself have doubts about his strength and who he could become. Which would imply that I was limiting myself, for having these self-doubts, these self-placed restrictions on who I could grow to become. << _Does that make sense? >>_

<< _Okay, fair point. >>_

I sighed again, stumped on how to get him to understand. Perhaps it was a lost cause, because he moved on to another question.

<< _Why do you think you are not good?_ >> It was a legitimate question, but one that he felt insulted for having to ask. << _We are good at battles. We are good at many things, but you especially have many recognitions for it._ >>

He meant the Champions I had defeated, the League cups I had won, the essay-long titles and awards that adorned my walls.

I felt myself sink, while the answer rose to the surface quicker than I had sunk.

“Because... That has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Or Pokemon. There are many people who've won things, and been bad people. Many bad people have recognition. And I---” I didn't feel like I had worth like that. That I wasn't a person worthy of.... anything. Battles meant nothing-- anyone could win a Pokemon battle. A match. A tournament. Contests. Pokeathelons. The list could go on and on-- the point was that they didn't prove your worth as a person; they were just decorative bits that hardly gave your ego the polishing that it did.

Huh. Wonder if that was why Lance hardly flaunted his achievements around. It seemed... well, not his words, but something in the ballpark of what he might think about taking pride in how many trophies you won. Maybe. I guess.

Lucario had watched me; had he seemed surprise when the answer bubbled up quicker than any thought put to it? Any meaning? I knew the answer why, and I hadn't until he asked it.

<< _Why are you focused on that?_ >>

“Because--!” I said, finding myself raising my voice. “Because I-- he--! Urgh!” I hung my head, unable to verbalize the concepts that stayed in my head. To even put it in some kind of level of thought that could contain the very base concepts that I struggled with explaining.

But that was what the bond was for. That was what Lucario was here for. Understanding the things, and helping put into words the stuff that I couldn't.

He closed his eyes, and reached out with his aura.

<< _You are... afraid that he will find you...._ >> I could feel him frown, and he didn't say the words. But I could recognize them. Repulsive. Awful. Unworthy. A waste of time. Hideous, inside and out. Shameful. Not even piteous-- that would have been more preferable, because it would have meant some sort of attention was worth giving to me. There was a long pause as he struggled to read the emotions. << _You are afraid that he will compare the two of you. And realize something bad about you. But I don't understand-- there is nothing bad about you to worry about. >>_

When he said that last part, I felt myself burst into tears and hugged him before I could stop myself. My partially-restrained sobs broke his focus, and I could hear a confused noise come out of his mouth as he tried to understand what was happening. But there were many things about his trainer that, over the years, he was still coming to understand; so he accepted it as it happened, hugging me back and pressing his forehead against mine. Understanding that what he had said had broken a dam, but it relieved the intense pressure that his human was feeling. The pain that she was inexplicably feeling, that he didn't quite understand the source of.

<< _Someone's coming to check on you_ >>, he said. He knew that I preferred a warning, whenever I found myself emotionally upset, so I did my best to pick myself up. To put myself back together again. Otherwise, he would have let it happen; he _has_ let it happen before, much to my chagrin.

\-------------

It was the first time we were visiting Cynthia since we had gotten married. It had been a few years since the last incident. Things had gotten much better for me, and I was a stronger now. Not just as a trainer, but as a person as well.

I was very happy, still blissful and excited and all too blushy at getting to call myself Lance's wife, and he my husband. I was beyond buzzing with energy, and it showed.

“This is the most excited I've seen you in, ever, I think? Well, no, you _did_ call me when he proposed. Though I'm not sure you used words so much as high-pitched giggles,” Cynthia teased.

I found myself a bit flabbergasted. “I-What-- How dare you! I did not come _all this way_ , just to be _harassed_ like this! We could have done this over the phone! Hmph!” I feigned indignation. I crossed my arms and pouted, turning away from my friend. Both her and my husband laughed, and I felt my cheeks burn, embarrassed somehow despite my intentional, exaggerated display.

But I didn't have any burning feeling, hearing them laugh together. Hearing them talk, as I nestled up to my husband and let him do most of the talking, while I added in my own flourishes where possible. There was just so much that had happened, that I could rely on him to be a more efficient narrator, and not jump from story to story to story like I would, always jumping to five more before finishing the one. That teasing, knowing smile she had in the past had slowly become one of satisfaction, knowing that she had helped her friend find happiness, in more ways than one.

We went outside to let our Pokemon stretch and catch up with one another. Our Lucario were sizing each other up without moving. It was an almost hilarious display; if there was more room, or a challenge between their trainers, perhaps they would have been sparring. But they held deep respect for their trainers, and would wait for the challenge to be issued first.

“So, _have_ you ever mentioned your Lucario's name around Lance?” Cynthia asked me suddenly. I felt that sudden panic, eyes widening and trying to silently will Cynthia to be quiet.

“So he _does_ have a nickname,” Lance said, sounding rather content with himself for having known that all along.

“Wha-no! No he doesn't!”

“Then why would Cynthia say something like that? She's not been known to lie.”

“Uh, yeah. She _soooo_ totally has.”

“When?” they both asked simultaneously. I found myself feeling cornered, my husband having abandoned my side to join the enemy's.

“Um. Like....” I stalled, trying to quickly think of something. “Like... That one time! When you came here! The very first time, I mean! She didn't tell me that you were coming!!! That _so_ totally counts as a lie.”

“I only omitted information that I thought wasn't important at the time,” she said airily, rebuffing my claim so calmly. “How was I to know that it'd upset you?”

“BECAUSE YOU---” I stopped, realizing how she was trying to trap me in my own web. “You... _knew_.”

“What did I know?”

I looked to my husband for help, and he merely shrugged, a playful smile on his face as he watched the exchange unfold. I pouted.

“You... knew.... that.... I liked him!!!” I said hurriedly, hoping that I wouldn't have to deflect further questioning on that logic.

Cynthia put a finger on her chin, pretending to think. “I did? I don't remember you telling me that....”

“Gah! You knew because-- because-- I so _totally_ told you. Yup. That one time. And then next thing I know, woops, my crush is here, and I'm out here, freaking out, because _someone didn't tell me he was going to be here_.” Playing a lot more of my hand than I'd've liked when it came to talking about “back then”-- before we were dating--, but it felt like a necessary sacrifice.

“You've told a complete stranger who you like?”

“UH. YEAH. APPARENTLY. DOZENS OF TIMES.”

“Now this I need to hear about--”

“You don't get to hear about anything until you're back on my side,” I told Lance with a frown.

But despite all the teasing, it was fun. It was nice to, _finally_ , not feel insecure around the both of them. Which wasn't any fault of their own-- but somehow, the two of them at once had set it off a chain reaction of self-reflection that was nothing more but abusive towards myself. The line of thinking that assumed killing one's ego was a form of humility, and would keep anything good in your life from slipping away if you never thought too haughtily about it. Or something like that. I had gotten better at not thinking about things like that. I still had those days, but instead of tackling them by myself, I had finally learned how to reach out to other people about it, and accept their help when offered.

My Lucario's focus suddenly splintered off from Cynthia's Lucario. He looked at me, tilting his head in curiosity. I blinked back at him, confused, because that look was usually accompanied by questions that often made me rethink how I saw things, or realize things about myself that I had often ignored or couldn't fathom thinking about. AKA, a “talk”.

<< _You seem very happy. >>_

_< <That's because I am.>>_

_< <Good. I was worried that being here might make you upset again.>>_

I rolled my eyes. << _Being here does not specifically set off a spiral,_ >> I replied.

My Lucario closed his eyes and smiled.

 _< <I'm glad. Your husband asked me to make sure that you were happy._>>

My face flushed, and I tried to resist turning away, lest the other two know that something was up.

<< _Wh-what?! When!?!? If anyone here should be doubting that after marriage, it should be ME. >>_

There was the faint sense of amusement from Lucario; it only made me more confused and flustered.

<< _When we met. He asked me to make sure that I always protect you, and your smile. To make sure that you were happy, no matter what you decide._ >>

I paused, hesitant, confused, befuddled. Trying to piece together the completely romantic sentiment, the awareness that Lance would have had-- the WHEN of it all finally hit me, as I recounted the years, the steps back, that were in our relationship.

Before we got married.

Before we got engaged.

Before many things in our relationship--

 _Before we had officially dated_.

Because it was that time, that first time that I had ever been over here, that Lucario-- then a Riolu-- had finally gotten to meet my husband. Wh--

But--

Definitely not over the phone, no way, I would have heard that. And fainted. On the spot. He definitely didn't mean during one of those times. In fact, I'm pretty sure he asked him to _not_ give me a hard time. (Though, irony was, I was the one to give Riolu plenty of hard times as his trainer....)

So that meant--

But they--

I--

“MMMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”


End file.
